My “Gay” Life

I have never really thought about my sexuality, not in terms of being straight, gay, bi, or any of the rest of them. But now one’s sexuality has been brought to the forefront of the world, everybody has an opinion; everyone has a place in the conversation. I was born in 1979, raised in the 80’s and even back then with all the things that were going on it was still a bit taboo to put it all out there; so to speak, and it definitely wasn’t acceptable to discuss a child’s sexual indiscretions.

Now in the year 2013, I have heard that “Gay” is the new “Black”, directly I don’t have an opinion on that. Personally, I have my own list of trials and tribulations many that were handed down through the ages, many that are my own, and many that have been placed upon me. As I said before I never thought much about my sexuality, like everything else, I just like what like. Nevertheless, this new issue has now become my issue, for outsiders looking in for as much as I am a black woman, I am gay.

When I was younger the dictionary defined gay as: happily excited / brilliant in color to name a couple of definitions. Now in 2013 the Merriam-Webster Dictionary has added a new definition; of, relating to, or used by homosexuals. To go a little be deeper, gay is also defined as: of, pertaining to, or exhibiting sexual desire or behavior directed toward a person or persons of one’s own sex; homosexual.  So once again I say, I am not defined by my sexuality.

The world considers me a “Bisexual” female or my favorite; a confused woman who was hurt by a man and now does not know what she wants to do, but will wake up one day and decide that this isn’t the life for her and realize she miss penis, yes I said it. Strange things about labels though, they only really tell you what other’s assume about you, but let me tell you who I really am. I am a woman, a black woman, a mother, a writer, an author, and a student. I am my mother’s baby, I never knew real father, I am sister, a friend, slightly talkative, short tempered, I’ve been told I have a wonder smile, and very soon I will be someone wife. So I say again, I am not defined by my sexuality.

I wrote my first poem when I was 13 and since then I have written hundreds of poems, love poems, funny poem, and a lot of poems about me. About being a black woman, a black child, growing up in Newark, NJ, and the pride I have to be apart of such a great race. I never wrote anything about my sexuality, not in this sense anyway, I never felt reason to. Now I see I may have words about the situation and I don’t mind sharing them as I did with everything else. I have two beautiful daughter and from the day they were born I vowed to do whatever I had to in order to protect them, as well as teaching them that they can be and do anything they want. I want to have more children one day, and vow to also do the same thing for them and because of that I decided that I should write this.

It is just so sad to see the history of this world; slavery, the holocaust, Pearl Harbor, Hiroshima, and that’s only to name a few and in 2013 children are still killing themselves over their sexuality. The funny thing is sexuality has become such a dirty deed, being gay is a sin and an abomination and everyone will burn hell for it. I’m sorry but “homosexuality” have always been around as far back as the 1600’s and possible even farther than that and for those people their sexuality definitely didn’t define who they were.

I write all this because as a said I have children and I want them do know someone’s sexuality does not determine who they are, they determine who they are. I write this because I want to make sure that when I say I will not be placed under any labels its not because I am ashamed of who I am or scared to admit to who I am. It is because I refuse to be defined by what I may or may not do in the privacy of my bedroom.

We adults have become consumed with sexuality, that we missed the fact that our children are dying, that they are having sex at an alarming young age and since they are afraid of who they are they keep dirty little secrets that may and have been killing them. So I say this, instead of worrying about my sexuality, lets take a little time and worry about our children and their lives. I already know who I am, they’re still trying to find themselves and remember they can’t do that if they are being bully or taking their own lives.

I Am Not Defined By My Sexuality! Are You?


2 thoughts on “My “Gay” Life

  1. Tarah Flicek says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. For a moment, I thought I was reading my autobiography. I, too, am a lesbian, a mother and a student. I was born in 1976 and faced an adolescence filled with prejudice and hate. It is because of where I come from and because of my choices that I am determined to be a part of the communities that shape and change this world in an existence of acceptance. My definition is this: I am a woman who loves women. I am a mother who loves her son. I am a daughter. I am a writer. I am.

    I am beyond touched by your words and gratified to have finally met a kindred spirit. To quote AnnaSophia Robb, who sang this song in ‘Bridge to Terabithia’, “You’ve got to keep your mind wide open, all the possibilities. You’ve got to live with your eyes open, believe in what you see.”

    • VS Bryant says:

      Thank you so much for the kind words, I try to write from the heart when every possible. I am a big advocate on just simply being yourself no matter what. I have two beautiful little girls and I teach them to be true to themselves first. I have never believed in labels, but I believe you have the right to love whom ever you want to love. I believe a person should never be measured by their sexuality, but by their actions, morals, and ethics. Any form of hate or prejudice is just that hate and prejudice and no one has to agree with what someone does or does not do. And in the end, if you really believe it, God will judge us all in the end and none of us can honestly judge anyone else because humans will never be perfect.

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