Do you struggle with the choices you make in life?
Do you wonder if you’re making the right choices or if you’ve worked hard enough towards your goals, pushed far enough…
I have questioned every choice, second-guessed every step and thought. In the end, what I realize is, THAT’S THE PROBLEM. It’s not failing, or being unable to push forward to success, it’s FEAR! It is the fear of not knowing, of rejection, of regret.
What I’ve learned, yet apparently still haven’t grasp is that I am the only thing standing in my way. Yes, my younger years weren’t all rainbows and unicorns and yes I made a number of stupid mistakes and questionable choices in my early adult years.
However, all of that was yesterday and today is today and tomorrow will be tomorrow. All the things that have brought me today have helped to mold the woman you see before you and paved the path for the woman yet to come. So when I look in the mirror only I can determine who will be staring back at me. Will I see the writer, the creative soul that see inspiration in life itself or will see the woman who stopped, who said she couldn’t and never did.
I was told once that I do some of my best writing when I am sad. You know, I think it might be true; sitting alone listening to the saddest music I can find pulls heaven out of me. I am inspired by the vulnerability of another person’s soul and their truth forces me to speak my truth. With those melancholy tempos I sing across the page with my pen and I am set free by my own vulnerability and I once again remember why I can never give up on my dream.
Unfortunately, when the music stops reality creeps back in and steals my sadness, my joy, leaving me once again questioning all that I am. A very sad and lonely world I live in right, wrong, even filled with doubt these worlds that I have created in my mind dances across my eyes on a constant loop giving that young writer in me just enough hope to push forward just one day and giving this new woman the courage to support and carry her younger self forward.
Yet, how do I keep that doubt and fear at bay everyday or is that the burden the writer in me is supposed to bare? What do I do when I haven’t written in days and I’m ready to burn my notebooks and concede in defeat?
One simple step at a time, one soft stroke of the pen, letting that tiny jolt flow from my fingers all the way to my heart, opening the doors to just one of the many worlds I hold inside so its contents spill out of me like Niagara Fall on beautiful summers day.
So I say, embrace your personal crazy and remember that it is beautiful, I have. Write for you and your characters; let their voices be heard even if it’s only in your ears, mine sing to me everyday and they are enchanting. Just remember everyday, every minute, every moment…
That’s how you let go of the fear
That’s how you embrace your truest self.
That’s how you write!