10/29/16 – 11:55pm
I found out earlier that I lost a cousin, my big brother today. So many thoughts have been running through my head since I hung up the phone; sadness, regret, lose, loneliness.
It is so true when they say always remember to tell the people you love that you love them because you never know when you will lose them. That the pain isn’t easier because you haven’t spoken in a while or you haven’t seen each other in a while, loss is loss and that pain runs deep.
I decided to write this tonight because I felt I needed to process the multiply emotions that I have running through my head right now. I am sad because I loss a brother, a cousin, a friend. I loss someone that I haven’t spoken to in a while and the last time we spoke was during another family members tragic passing. I am sad because I didn’t make the time to say I love you before my family and I moved across country and now I will never have the opportunity to say it. I am sad because I am not near my family during this tragic time when family should be together.
I feel regret for not for now talking to all my family member as much as should, I know the lines of communication goes both ways and so does pain, and just a moment to say I love you can be a rainbow after a rain storm.
I feel loss and loneliness as I watch my family dwindle and I see my children grow up with this simple but loving family of four and knowing that they might never have the experiences we had when it comes to family. But also knowing that I have time to build new traditions, make stronger bonds, and give them an even better life then we had.
This death has also made me look at our situation and not think that I am running out of time, but know I need to make the most of my time. To fight harder for my dreams and not let the little things weigh me down because tomorrow is not promised so we should live everyday like its our last.
I am sad, but I remember that life brings us sugar and salt and in the end it’s what you do with them that count. It’s the moments that make your life, so remember to say I love you often, smile through everything, and life might be short, but it’s not over yet so live, live, and live some more.
This is dedicated to my brother Kelvin Norwood, may you rest in peace, your home now with those who love you.
This is also dedicated to all of family, though I may not be there physically I am there with you in spirit and heart and I know we will make it through this to.